Can we please stop pretending the world is Black and White?
I have debated posting this for the past several months but after some things I saw today both on Social Media and in the press it felt important to share. I am going to begin with a quote from one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite series (and please do not mention the author of said books at this juncture because that is an entirely different rant)
“The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.” — Sirius Black
Now obviously there are a few things that are always good (icecream, sunsets, puppies etc.) and a few things that are always bad (a flat tire, airplane food, the last season of Game of Thrones). But the point is most of the world isn’t black and white or good and evil and I truly believe it does us all a disservice to pretend otherwise. There is not a single person on this planet that is entirely without fault, everyone makes mistakes, everyone does good and bad things, nobody is perfect and it is ludicrous to believe otherwise. You might be asking what exactly does this have to do with the Royals?
The extreme royal fanbases on both sides have fallen into this dichotomy and it is truly making royal watching an infuriating place to be during a time when almost everyone needs some relaxation, levity and positivity.
One side believes that Catherine is the absolute perfect princess, that she has never put a foot wrong, is genuine, down to earth, caring and is the worlds most perfect mother and spouse. Meanwhile, those same people believe that Meghan is a conniving narcissist who has plotted to destroy Harry and the British Monarchy because she is an evil American actress. The other side believes Meghan is a hard working and ambitious women who is courageous and strong, unafraid to speak her mind and stand up for others who decided with her husband that they’d be able to do more and help more outside of the institution. Now those same people believe Catherine is a lazy social climber whose husband doesn't love her and thinks that her sole mission in life is to destroy Meghan because she’s jealous of her.
Now that dichotomy is entirely ridiculous to most people, myself included. Both Catherine and Meghan are accomplished women. Both Catherine and Meghan are terrific hardworking women. Both Catherine and Meghan are supportive and loving wifes. Both Catherine and Meghan are wonderful and caring mothers. But allowing two women to be all of those things at the same time is difficult for some people, some of whom are just blatantly misogynistic, and some of whom choose to live in a world that is black and white because it is more convenient for them.
I firmly believe that this mindset causes a lot more problems and exacerbates our differences. I think within the Royal Fandom we see this most clearly with the extreme Catherine and Meghan fans who attack their “faves” own family in order to try and support one women or the other. I personally see failings on all sides of the issue. In order to illustrate, here is my opinion exclusively on the matter of the Sussex’s departure.
I think the family most probably did not fully consider how challenging things had been for Harry & Meghan and therefore did not offer adequate support to them in a timely manner. I don’t believe that announcing the split via social media and giving the rest of the family very little warning was considerate or reasonable on Harry & Meghans parts.
I think the family most probably did not prioritize and support Harry & Meghans work ideas and plans the ways that they expected them to given the attention they garnered. I don’t believe Harry and Meghan properly grasped, that no matter what they did in the firm, their work would always have to follow The Queen, Charles and Williams, because the monarchy has a very defined hierarchy that is not going to change.
I think the Royal Family could have done more to try and stop the press treatment of Meghan, especially the vile racism that came out of it. But I also do not believe Meghan was the first (and unfortunately she probably won’t be the last) to endure such treatment by the press and therefore I do not believe the firm thought it was as big of an issue as it was.
I believe Harry & Meghan perhaps expected more vocal and obvious support both publicly and privately from William & Catherine. However, I think William and Catherine have always made it clear their children come first and as they had just welcomed Louis prior to Harry & Meghans wedding, I believe their preoccupation likely had legitimate reasoning behind it.
But the nuances of all of this are hard to put into a clickbait title and it is far less interesting than a “royal feud” or “difficult duchess” stories. If journalists wrote these stories the big hook would just be that the royal family are comprised of real people and real people are not perfect. We are all fallible and we all mess up, get into fights and disagreements and everyone believes they know what is best.
The other point I’d like to mention in this that I often feel is overlooked is that the final agreement between the Sussex’s and the rest of the family was a business agreement. The Sandringham Summit was a business meeting, not a family meeting, where one entity decided to split into two and therefore they met to work out a compromises. Like in business, neither side got everything they wanted and I strongly disagree with anybody who believes one side or the other were being petty or vindictive. The agreement was not between family members but between business colleagues.
I think there were probably hurt feelings on both sides but I do not believe for a single moment that one side or the other wanted to cause harm or hurt. I believe strongly that everyone was doing what they believed was best for them and their individual families and careers, and unfortunately that offered conflicting demands meaning neither side was entirely happy with the end result.
It is much easier to vilify one side because, not only does it make for better click bait headlines, but it makes it easier to throw support entirely behind one side. It is harder to admit that all sides are at fault, that nobody is perfect and people make mistakes because that notion doesn’t fit into the black and white or good and evil world so many people want to live in. For the record, I would also love to live in a world where it is so easy to tell who is good and who is bad because it would make life so much easier. But life is messy and weird and hard and, no matter what some believe, the royal family is no exception to this.
I want to be able to have kind and respectful discussions about a wide variety of topics and I do not want to avoid posting in fear of hateful or toxic accounts coming after me. I am a person who is far from perfect but happens to love the royals and I want to share and express that. I hope you all will support me in this and if you feel the same please let me know because I would love to talk.
Now a little afterword in order to make my position moving forward entirely clear:
I have never & will never tolerate abuse of any kind on this account. If an account I have interacted with is spreading abuse or hate, please tell me and I will take appropriate action (I do not check the timelines of every single account I retweet or respond to so I am aware there have been occasions in the past where this has happened). I am aware that I am far from perfect, I am always striving to learn and grow and I want this to be a space for fans of any and all royals to celebrate the Royal Family in peace. If I ever share anything someone takes issue with, please tell me, please educate me and I promise I will do my best to listen and learn.
I have and will continue to support all of the Women of Windsor which for the record includes:
The Queen
The Duchess of Cornwall
The Duchess of Cambridge
Princess Charlotte
Meghan, Duchess of Sussex
Princess Beatrice
Princess Eugenie
The Countess of Wessex
Lady Louise
Princess Anne
I want royal watching to be enjoyable and fun. I want to be able to have respectful discussions about everything from their charitable work to their fashion to the press and media that surrounds them. I have avoided several stories and topics in the past because of worries that what I said would be misinterpreted or cause accidental offense (again, I’m not perfect and I know I will always have more to learn). Frankly, I am tired of being too scared to post in case the toxic sides of Royal Twitter find it and descend like vultures. Therefore I want to share a request with all of you:
If I ever write or share something you take offense to or believe is out of line, please tell me but ONLY if your aim is to teach or educate rather than tear down or destroy and I promise I will do the same. xx